May 4, 2011
It weighed her down, that lump found
right before Easter. She imagined it
a small, cold ball of metal, never warming
to body temperature. “I’m going to place
my fingers and move in a circle, out,” he said.
There were precise movements and then,
stuttered, lingered,
pressed in. She knew but thought
maybe I’m being assaulted. Maybe this is his
fetish. He moved to the left breast, felt
quickly. Sat back. “You have a dense mass
right at 5 o’clock.” There is nothing, she thought
nothing to hear or do but move forward. “I’ll schedule
a mammogram for you, next Friday, okay?
I am sure it is nothing. You have dense muscle,
that is all. Just a check.” She loved him for ignorning
words like lump. Like cancer or tumor.
It was nothing. Nothing but muscle. Not this metal
that would grow and with its coldness eat away
until it was carved out, all the dense muscle of her chest
sliced to bone. Not this weight that dragged her
through the days. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.